Archive for February, 2011

Bad Boss

Posted: 02/24/2011 in Uncategorized

Found this interesting article on the Wall Street Journal website about how a person can know that they are a bad boss. Personally I think number five on the list should be number one! What do you think qualifies as being a bad boss?

The Garbage Picker

Posted: 02/22/2011 in Uncategorized

So as I’ve said before I want to hear my viewers horrific job stories and the expected has occurred; someone has shared their tale with me. Stace, a woman who works an average cubical job, has a problem. A co-worker of hers is so interested and intrigued by Stace that she feels the need, deep in her loins, to look through her garbage pail. As most of you know (or may not know), you can tell plenty about a person by looking through their garbage. Detectives do it in movies all the time. Oh and so do serial killers. Check out the movie Kiss the Girls. In one scene Ashley Judd’s character is unknowingly speaking to the serial killer which is played by Cary Elwes. Elwes is talking to Judd about changing her habits so that she can feel safer and one of them is taking the garbage out during the day. Judd asks why and Elwes replies with this,

“Think about it. A guy could come by, say, Tuesday night, 3 in the morning, dump your trash in one of those 30-gallon plastic sacks. Haul it down to an abandoned lot and bingo! There it is. What a lady eats, how often she shaves. He can even tell a lady’s time of the month. Anything you want to know. What kind of lipstick she wears, and used condoms. How often’s she gettin’ it? Twice a week? Three times? The same guy, different guys? Of course, that doesn’t apply to you. Let’s face it. In your case, it’s been quite awhile. Not since that, that surgeon. What? Six, seven months ago? You were special, Kate. Do you have any idea how much time I gave you? Months. Yes, months. I sacrificed for you, but now I’m going to show you sacrifice. What are you going to do? Are you going to cut me? Do it!”

Now who thinks Stace’s co-worker can be compared to Elwes character? If you said yes I completely concur. Her Co-worker comments on what is in her garbage pail all the time. “Oo you ate pretzel M&Ms how are they?” “Oo are you sick, there are alot of tissues over there?” This woman is clearly obsessed with Stace or else why would she care! So in order to stop the madness and invasion of privacy that is going on Stace devises a plan. A plan with the Trojan Man. Yes that Trojan Man. She elaborately places a used looking condom into the garbage pail and waits for her co-worker to go apicking. At last the co-worker walks languidly and nonchalantly down the walk way. Her eyes are staring, like a tiger ready to attack, at the garbage pail. She “accidentally” drops her pen next to the pail and attacks the pail. “Ahh Stace! What, I mean, Wow. Did you just use that?” Stace looks her dead in the eye with a straight face, “No, why would you like to use it.” The co-worker is flabbergasted and she walks to her cubicle. That was the last time she went garbage picking.

 

Live Girls

Posted: 02/15/2011 in Uncategorized

So about a month ago, as my co-workers and I were waiting outside to pull in a truck ( that is jargon for receiving shipment and bringing it into the store) a group of people consisting of three girls and two guys walks by us. They are clearly inebriated and are ready to continue to the party in our store. One of the girls walks up to my co-worker La and begins to dance with him. Of course La’s manly and primitive instincts kick in and he also begins to dance with the girl, in front of our store. The rest of her friends begin to create a circle around them and they start to dance as well. One of the guys, who I’ve dubbed the responsible guy, from their circle yells, “Hey let’s get the beer and go back to my place.” So they separate and enter the store and so do we. One of the guys hangs his arm around me and says, “See the blond,” He looks me in the face, his breath smells like stale liqueur, “I’m sooooooooo gunna tap that.” Everyone around me starts to laugh and I gently remove the guys arm from my shoulder. They wander into the store still dancing and all of us are standing at the front door laughing hysterical. The responsible guy comes up with the cases of Blue Moon and Stella and pays. Out of the group he seems to be the least drunk. He grabs one of the girls around the shoulder and bring her to the door, as he waits for his other friends. The guy who had his arm around me pays for a three packs of cigarettes, while the other two girls continue to dance. La and another co-worker Will also begins to dance with them. The responsible guy, who for the most part has quietly been speaking to his girlfriend, all of a sudden yells, “Hey the cab is here. Lets FUCKING GO!!!” We all stare at him like he is an alien trying to take our fun away. lLucky for us NO ONE pays him any mind. He storms out as the Blond girl yells, “Hey hey look at me!” She then precedes proceeds to launch herself like an Olympic hurdler on to the stores counter, almost knocking into a register. She slowly and awkwardly like a newborn baby stands up and begins to drop it likes it hot. Her friend yells, “Go girl!” She lowers her voice and says, “She isn’t a stripper but she sure should be.” Our manager, the big red dog, comes to the front, his eyes are wild as he takes in the scene, he puts his head down at the absurdity of the situation, raises it again and makes the girl come down. Thus ending our fun.

*Updated Feb. 16, 2011: The post was updated due to a number of errors with grammar and spelling. The strikeouts indicate spelling errors found after publishing. Just thought I’d let you guys know what was changed. Just silly mistakes.

The Madness

Posted: 02/08/2011 in Uncategorized

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

My name is Dezii and this is my first posting ever. My blog cherry has been popped and I am ready to unleash the madness onto the world. The madness I speak of is my overnight job and the insane things we do while there are no customers in the store, but I won’t be entirely selfish and base this blog purely on my crazy antics but on yours as well. What craziness have you seen or done at work? What about customers and the lunatic things they do? As a disclaimer I know that we are all customers and we are all workers, so there is no necessity to get offended when deranged customer posts pop up, we have all seen it and lived it.  But on a lighter note this blog is about the hilarious things that happen in a “formal” business setting. A job is always considered to be strict and boring especially one that is not your career choice, however I feel that the job will not get done if the workers are robots or slaves. We need that excitement so that when we come to work we want to get our job done faster so that we can play around. So when you see the things my co-workers and I do or the things that others do, there shouldn’t be any thoughts about us being lazy or terrible workers. We are not. The job constantly gets done and it gets done correctly. So be glad we do the crazy things we do because its going to provide you with a mass amount of entertainment. Send in your stories to add to the madness.